Seeing Red: Diffusing Your Loved One’s Anger

I know I usually joke around about how angry Vanessa gets, but lately it’s been very different. It’s gotten to the point where the slightest thing, even if no one has control over it, will anger her. At first I thought it was funny that she’d get so upset over minor inconveniences or things that I thought were funny or no big deal, but that obviously made her angrier and things have just been getting steadily worse. I tried talking to her last week to figure out what’s frustrating her, but she said she’s not exactly sure. I’m honestly at a loss for where to go from here, but all I want to do is help her. 

Although seemingly unpleasant, anger is as perfectly normal as any other emotion. Click To Tweet

Although seemingly unpleasant, anger is as perfectly normal as any other emotion. In fact, if you try to remember the last time you were angry, you probably wouldn’t have to think too far back. However, it’s not uncommon for some people to be unsure of how to handle and express their anger in an appropriate manner. At Rice Psychology Group, we understand that dealing with anger can be difficult, whether it’s yours or someone else’s. To help you take the first step towards feeling better equipped to handle anger instead of letting it handle you, our team of psychologists has put together some of the most important information you’ll need.

Angry feelings can potentially cause problems for those who you love. However, things can improve with some hard work.

Calming Things Down

There are two ways you can help diffuse a situation where you’re at the receiving end of someone’s anger:
Sometimes letting the other person express their anger is your best option. Click To Tweet

• Stay in control of you – If someone flies off the handle at you, regardless of whether you’ve done anything wrong, your best bet is to try and stay calm. It is possible that the person doing the ranting and raving has a problem with their own self-control. Or perhaps he or she is having problems that don’t even involve you and you are just the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. They may be trying to exert dominance over you and want to be in control. With some people, recognizing that this is the approach they take when they are upset and actually has nothing to do with you specifically, may help you avoid taking it personally and stay calmer. Sometimes we encourage people to imagine putting on a “pretend” raincoat, allowing those angry drops of rain to just roll off their backs.
• Let them release their anger – Sometimes letting the other person express their anger is your best option. There are times when you can’t get a word in edgewise even if you wanted to because the angry person barely stops to take a breath. Staying put and just letting them rant is only a viable route if the angry person is not actually being hurtful or harmful. But remember, you do not have to stay and listen, especially if you feel you are in danger. However, whatever you do, staying calm and in control of your own emotions and behavior is key. As Ross Greene states, if you meet anger with anger, you often end up with a train wreck.

As Ross Greene states, if you meet anger with anger, you often end up with a train wreck. Click To Tweet

When Anger Management is Needed

Anger management can be an important tool in helping people identify the reasons behind their anger, effectively calm down and properly manage the situation. In many cases, people don’t believe they’re in need of anger management, but there are clear situations that can suggest otherwise:

• Feeling as if the anger has to be held in regularly
• Persistent or frequent feelings of irritation, impatience or hostility
• Daily or weekly arguments with friends, peers and loved ones
• Physical violence
• Threatening others

Rice Psychology Group Can Help

When emotions fly out of control to the point where life is difficult, it can be a challenge to find a way back to normality. If you or someone you love is currently experiencing frequent fits of anger that just can’t be controlled, know that Rice Psychology Group can help. Our team of psychologists will work with you to help identify the reasons behind the anger to properly manage it. For additional information about our services, contact us in Tampa today.