I wish I could say that I knew exactly why our relationship has been on the rocks lately, but I honestly can’t put my finger on it. All I know is that nothing is the way it used to be. There are arguments at all times of the day and for the stupidest reasons. Sometimes, even when I know he’s not trying to be hurtful, I find offense in his comments and I totally lash out. Then, without fail, we get into a screaming match, which he sees as an opportunity to reveal all the things I’ve done wrong since we got together. At this point I have no idea what’s wrong. The sad thing is…I don’t even know if working on our relationship is worth it anymore.
A relationship can be one of the most beautiful things in life if you and your partner choose to put hard work into it. Sure, there will be disagreements, frustrations and arguments, but if you prioritize your relationship, the low points will only be specks in a sea of hugs, smiles and kisses. But what if your relationship is far from what you expected? At Rice Psychology Group of Tampa, we understand it can sometimes be difficult to identify the reasons why your relationship isn’t working, but we’re ready to help.
If you feel like your relationship is on the rocks, know that with a bit of hard work, you and your partner can bring it back to normality.
Every relationship comes with times where you and your partner are as close as you can be followed by periods where you avoid them and distance yourself as much as possible. If you and your partner find yourselves in a rut, which often leads to conflicts and misunderstandings, there may be a bigger problem at hand. The first step to take is to identify and understand the problem or problems your relationship may be experiencing.If you and your partner find yourselves in a rut, which often leads to conflicts, there may be a bigger problem Click To Tweet
Maybe you feel as if you and your spouse are drifting apart, spending time out of the house or with other people more frequently than usual. This feeling of distance can be common when:
- You and your partner no longer share your feelings with each other
- You feel indifferent about the things your partner does or doesn’t do
- You stop sharing your day’s experiences with your partner
- You start planning things on your own without your partner
- You become attracted to others and feel as if you need someone who can provide your unmet needs
Another reason why your relationship may be struggling is leaving your fights and arguments unresolved. Perhaps you do talk about your problems with your partner but end up feeling misunderstood and wondering if your partner is purposely saying or doing certain things.
If your relationship has been in this stage for long, even the most innocent of remarks can send you or your partner into a fit of range. Although this may be extreme, this example can be a big indication as to why your relationship is suffering.
If you and your partner have gone through a short period of decreased intimacy, don’t worry, it’s normal. However, if this period of diminished intimate connection is dragging on for an unnaturally-long amount of time, it may be a sign that things aren’t okay. A lack of connection, kissing, cuddling or caressing between you and your partner can point at a general lack of intimacy.
It Takes Two
According to a 2011 Marist Poll, 80% of Americans under 30 believe there is that one perfect person for them: their soulmate. However, even when you meet the right person, you’ll need to work hard for long-lasting love. If you feel like you’ve tried absolutely everything, perhaps the following bits of advice will help you and your partner make your way back to a healthy and loving relationship:
- Remember the Beginning – If you feel as if “what once was” is slowly fading, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re with the wrong person. Try reflecting on the things that drew you together, all of the months or years where you enjoyed moments of affection and intimacy, and even activities you both shared. This can then help you pinpoint the real reasons that drew you apart so you and your partner can find a way back to the feelings you once had for each other.
- Take a Break – But not from your relationship! If you feel like somewhere along the way you and your partner lost a sense of individuality and fell on a “we” routine, you may stop supporting each other’s interests and personality traits. You can break free from this routine by changing the way you relate to each other in your relationship. This means you can take more initiative in the things you do together as opposed to going along with the other partner’s decisions. Although you may hesitate to try this, chances are your partner will react positively to the fact that you expressed yourself and offered your own point of you.
- Take a Chance on Vulnerability – We react to the love we receive. Unfortunately, it’s not always a pleasant reaction. When you’re scared, you pull away all the things your partner loved about you, inciting fights and arguments even when he/she compliments you. You can work to overcome this issue by being willing to be more vulnerable. Engage your partner when the compliments come your way instead of pushing them away. Chances are this will be difficult and uncomfortable, but it’s important to accept the love your partner gives you.
- Drop the Case – Arguments and disagreements are a common part of every relationship. However, when they become more frequent, you may begin to build a case against your partner, ready to be used at any given second. Doing so causes you to start a fight faster, letting things escalate steadily. To avoid this issue, use the unilateral disarmament technique: drop the case, relax and don’t react. Use this time to focus on taking responsibility for your part in the argument. The goal is to allow yourself to choose staying close to your partner over being right.
On the Right Path
An unhealthy relationship can leave you and your partner feeling like you’re ready to call it quits. But maybe deep down you’re willing to work hard and steer your relationship in the right direction. While this might sound like a difficult task, the guidance and professionalism of Rice Psychology Group can help.
Our psychologists in Tampa will provide you with a comfortable environment where you can communicate without any fears or worries. Our counseling services are designed to identify, evaluate and address your issues. For information about this or any other services, give us a call at our offices today.