Consider the following story as it relates to this week’s topic.
My brother Paul will be staying with my wife and I next weekend. We plan to go out for dinner with some old friends on Friday, then for a quick trip to the beach with the kids on Saturday. On Sunday, my wife Belle and I wanted to visit my parent’s house for Mother’s Day, but I don’t know if I should invite Paul to come see Mom. He had it a bit rough with her when we were growing up and I don’t think things ever got better. I mean, he hasn’t even spoken with her in almost a year! Belle says to just leave it alone, but I wish there was a way to help them get through the day.
Mother’s Day is special to many of us. Our sweet and loving moms will be pampered and shown how grateful we are for everything they’ve done with some flowers and perhaps a bit of “me” time to break away from their motherly duties – if only for a day.
In a perfect world, Mother’s Day passes without a single problem, but what is this day of celebration like for someone who doesn’t have a good relationship with their mother or mother figure? Should this day be a catalyst for fixing the relationship? If so, what steps would you take to get through the day?
Getting Through the Day
If, throughout the years, your mother has exhibited controlling tendencies, remained emotionally unavailable when you needed her or happened to be quite combative, chances are your relationship with her is all but good.Motherhood does not guarantee you will become a better person. Click To Tweet
For many, the first step towards even considering a fix in the relationship is to get through Mother’s Day unscathed. It may sound difficult, especially when you consider the impact that our mothers have on our lives, but there are a few things you can remember during this day to help you get through it:
- The perfect Mother’s Day celebrations you see on television, in advertisements and everywhere in between are just images, not reality. In truth, parenthood can be one of the most difficult things one can go through, and it’s very important to remember that.
- Motherhood does not guarantee you will become a better person.
- Choosing to forego motherhood does not make you worse.
- Allow yourself to embrace, recognize and face your feelings. Doing so may provide you with a wider outlook of your situation and a better foundation towards improvement.
- Celebrate, pamper yourself and ensure that the day ends with you feeling valued.
- Others are going through the same thing, so keep that in mind.
Hope for RepairRepairs, especially for relationships, can be difficult to pull off. Click To Tweet
Repairs, especially for relationships, can be difficult to pull off. Whatever the situation, remind yourself that these things take time and you will likely go through a series of ups and downs.
- Realistic Expectations – Your relationship will likely not be repaired in a matter of hours. And when it eventually does, it might not be picture-perfect. Remember that.
- Take Initiatives – If you want a relationship fixed, there’s a big chance you’ll have to make the first move.
- Communicate – Communication is key, no matter the kind of relationship. Establish it by letting your feelings, thoughts, concerns and everything else be known.
- Listen – Relationships are not a one-way street, so make sure to listen just as well as you disclose your emotions.
- Practice Empathy – Address any issues your mother may have with empathy. Sit down and try to understand where she’s coming from and compromise if you have to when finding a solution.
- Forgive – It’s easy to hold onto past pains, but you have to learn to forgive and move forward. Remember, we’re dealing with the present and, while we must acknowledge the past, we need to keep treading to move forward.
- You Won’t Always Agree – Sometimes, when arguments begin to heat up, remember this: you can always agree to disagree with Mom.
Bridging the GapsCommunication is key, no matter the kind of relationship. Click To Tweet
At Rice Psychology Group, we understand that Mother’s Day can be as painful as it is joyful, which is why we’re always ready to help you get through it. Whether you’re looking to go through the day unscathed or are wanting to reestablish a connection with your mother or a mother figure in your life, then our Tampa psychologists can help you. Contact us today for more information about what we can do for you.